2009, USA
Comedy, Drama, Romance
READ THE REVIEW AT The Desert Sun.
Extended version:
Nia Vardalos, writing darling of the indie comedy My Big Fat Greek Wedding, has taken pen to paper again and eye to lens for the first time with her directorial debut, I Hate Valentine's Day -- proving the adage that lightning really does not strike twice.
In Valentine's Day, Vardalos stars as peppy florist Genevieve who dashes all dreams of unhappiness by not letting romance slide into a relationship. Five dates and the fella's out. This rule of thumb is admired by gal pals whose love life constantly circles the drain and viewed by men as an easy ticket to sex (unfortunately for them, this is not part of her plan). Genevieve is sought out for her sage dating advice in her Brooklyn neighborhood, as her constant smile and the bounce in her step is considered evidence that she has figured out life.
Surprise, surprise, as new tapas restaurant (complete with the bad joke name, Get on Tapas) owner Greg shakes up the cockles of her heart. She lays down the laws and he happily obliges, leading to inevitable tomfoolery and ultimate heartbreak. John Corbett reteams with his Big Fat costar as the haplessly awkward Greg, though far more wooden than normal -- and not in his usual cute, folksy style. Vardalos matches with obvious acting, posing in such a way that the syrupy artificiality is sure to induce cancer in rats.
Genevieve is surrounded by bad examples, so her choices do not appear so peculiar and her friends' worship of her not so out of reach. For example, one girlfriend stalks possible dates until she learns enough to Google them and make a scrapbook from her findings. And of course, all of Genevieve's ridiculously methodical rules stem from daddy issues, which have clouded her mindset to fear all intimacy with men. A believable source of trauma, yet -- like everything else in the film -- a painfully trite focal point.
At a usually tidy hour-and-a-half, I Hate Valentine's Day drags out the inevitable, beating the audience over their heads with overplayed smitten-ness and unsympathetic unrequited love. Next time Vardalos and Corbett consider a venture together they should step back, count to five, and consider the rules for an entertaining movie. Chances are, they will have broken them.