2003, USA
Comedy, Crime, Romance
At his brother's request, a member of the mob obtains some good blackmail dirt on a group of actors in order to let his 12-year-old nephew try his hand at screenwriting. The plot of Gigli? No -- the only explanation for the creation of this flat, lifeless waste of film.
When the most intriguing piece of dialogue comes from Ben Affleck's title character reading the back of a Tabasco bottle, there's trouble. When J.Lo's lesbian hit woman's best line of reasoning emanates from the back of her low rider jeans, there's more trouble. If the Bennifer wonder twins thought this movie would be a good beginning to their life together, it is no wonder they ran away to hide out in Georgia.
The plot-never-ending brings their thug characters together to kidnap and babysit a federal prosecutor's mentally challenged brother, in order to influence an upcoming courtroom decision. In this Oscar-avoiding break out role as the mentally impaired, Justin Bartha surely must have mimicked, er, studied, Dustin Hoffman's Raymond Babbitt over and over, or at least seen Saturday Night Live sketches of that character. Co-starring is a long-ago sold out Al Pacino, who had previously done a caricature of himself in director Martin Brest's other film, Scent of a Woman. Also in their own mini-scenes are Lainie Kazan (My Big Fat Greek Wedding) and Christopher Walken. In short, Pacino screams a lot, Kazan reminds us not to discuss sexual experimentation with our mothers, and Walken acts a little off kilter -- a far cry from their usual cameos, to say the least. It is almost impressive how little they do with the empty canvas they are given to work with. Most of the movie feels as if an introductory junior high drama class is being filmed ad libing for the first time, with all of the awkward bumps and lack of creativity that comes from that intellectual growth spurt.
And the junior high band is not helping. Most of the movie lacks a soundtrack (good for some movies, but not for those where dialogue is not a friend), and when the sweeping strings appear, they have shown up in the locker room. In one of the final scenes, the music implies a touching confession, but the void is instead filled with the discussion of how Gigli would look with mascara.
Like the film itself, as far as DVD extras go, there ain't nuthin' there.