In Republic Studio’s attempt to emulate Dick Powell’s turn as a tough guy, prolific director Lesley Selander tackled the prose of Robert Leslie Bellem with dialogue touch-ups by Albert DeMond in 1947’s Blackmail. There’s no excuse available – this stuff is bad. So wonderfully bad, it’s good (no MST3K heckling necessary).
I tried to keep up with the great lines, but it was hard to hear everything under the audience’s laughter:
* “You there, with the muff on your mitt.”
* “You always act this scared, or only when you’re frightened?”
* “I’ll be seeing you pally, out of the corner of my eye.”
* “If you’re looking for trouble, I have it here.”
* “I’ll pour you a drink.” “Pour it in your oil lamp.”
* “You have a bank account I’ve learned to love.”
* “Don’t move, sweetheart. This thing doesn’t shoot marshmallows.”
* “Anything wrong?” “Nothing, beautiful. The guy in the drink always sinks like that.”
* “I suppose the gun sprung in your dukes like a daffodil?”
* “That’s what you’d like me to swallow, but it’s gagging me.”
* ”How does that strike you?” “Like this!” KAPOW
* “Has anyone called you Samson?” “Yeah, a few Delilahs that tried to get in my hair.”
* “You better change your brand of tobacco, it’s giving you pipe dreams.”
* “Remember me?” “I can’t place the face, but the figure’s familiar.”
* “You couldn’t stand having the lid pulled off that box, Pandora.”
* “Writer me a letter about it sometime, sweetheart.”
* “It’s alright, pal, you’re among enemies.”
* “Listen, pal, I want answers. I want you to talk and tell me things.”
* “Quit nibbling around the edges. Bite into it.”
* “I beg your pardon, sir?” “Why? What did you do?”
* “I don’t look very familiar to strangers.”
* “Martini?” “Olive, sir?” “No, it takes too much room in the glass.”
* “I read Buck Rogers in the newspaper, but I don’t believe it.”
* “How much dirt have you picked up around here that didn’t belong in the vacuum cleaner?”
* “I was supposed to take her to a concert at the Hollywood Bowl.” “Let her go bowling by herself.”
* “You know what always happens when I have the car washed? I can’t do a thing with it.”
* “You may be a home girl, baby, but you’re in the wrong home.”