Don't bother calling, Joaquin Phoenix won't pick up the phone.
At the premiere of his film, Two Lovers, Phoenix announced his retirement. All future brooding will be contained to the musical stage. Not one to forget the art of being dramatic, he proved his sincerity by writing "Good Bye" on his knuckles, à la Robert Mitchum's "Love/Hate" tats in The Night of the Hunter.
Walk that line, young cowboy.
Actors who should call it quits:
Zac Efron: His freakishly manscaped eyebrows and ice blue eyes prove that he is a Ken doll waiting to overthrow Hollywood. Keep all copies of Dianetics far away from him.
Ben Affleck: So you can direct a decent film. Let's stick with that.
Seann William Scott: It's hard to pull off the three name moniker. You can't.
Chad Michael Murray: See above.
Tom Cruise: Just because you hunt Hitler in your next film doesn't redeem the crazy. Mr. Mapother, let your people, er, wife and kid, go.
Leonardo DiCaprio: Sure, he's got a good thing going with all of those sweet Marty Scorsese gigs. But his eerily huge forehead implies that he thinks he's better than us. Or just British.